Who are you in this vast Multiverse?

I am 29 years old and I'm not ashamed to say that I'm still not 100% sure what I'm doing with my life. What is my end-goal? Where will I live and raise a family? What will be my ultimate career? When will I find all these answers and will they always remain constant or are they ever-changing? Who knows? I don't. That might just be the point. That might be the sweet spot of life: ambiguity, intrigue, and adventure.

I was scrolling on my phone during my downtime at work and came across OG Justin Bieber, "Beauty and a Beat." It awakened something within me and its more than just normal nostalgia. I performed this song LIVE for my school in 8th grade.

Eighth Grade... I remember being that young. I remember having so many dreams of one day acting and singing on stage, filming movies, having so much money that I could throw a pool party rager the way Bieber did in that music video. I remember fantasizing about my late 20s, imagining I'd be rich and famous, hot and well-loved by the world. Flash forward and I may not be famous or globally known but I am definitely rich; I am rich with love, joy, spontaneity, risk, and adventure. I also have people who love me in the states, South Korea, Costa Rica, Ecuador, Ireland and Japan. So, I guess one could say I am global in a sense.

It's weird. I went from yearning for fame, riches, success, and love to thinking I wasn't built for all of my own desires. I subconsciously hindered myself at many points throughout my artistic career and yet I still have the success of an award-winning mini-sitcom pilot, a fully produced original short play, and a jamming single on Spotify. I am this woman with immense talent who for so long refused to see all of the rewards the universe was gifting her for them. I even spent time shoving my own dreams down and bringing other's dreams out into their front views. I shoved my dreams down so deep that all of a sudden regular adulthood and finances became all I was focused on. I pivoted entire careers to chase financial stability (let's be real).

My entire Master's degree is built on the back of someone who was so lost and insecure, she felt chasing finances was the only way to find true happiness. Money doesn't always buy joy, though. And, I've had to learn that the hard way. Regardless, the universe is always working overtime for me, even when I'm completely clueless. Every course in my master's degree helped me begin to untangle some of the webs of lies I'd fed myself up until that point, in all areas of my life. It was a master's class in and of itself that helped me understand that I can chase whatever my heart desires if I have some kind of realistic plan somewhere on the side. All of a sudden, I was awakened. I wanted to travel, dance, create, learn, take risks, be different, be legendary.

Old dreams from all points of my life started to resurface and for the first time in my life, at 28, I finally had the autonomy to reach out and grab whatever it is that I wanted. I chose South Korea, a country that brought me so much joy during my time abroad that I cried when I had to leave. I chose a completely new adventurous risk of a step & somehow all my decisions up until that point just clicked.

My master's gave me a pay bump at my current job (I am an EPIK teacher if you're new here)

And, now I'm here. I'm in Daejeon, South Korea; I'm a resident of the country of my dreams. I chose this not only for risk and exploration but to dip my toes back into performance. For anyone confused, teaching English as a second/foreign language is extremely performative. I have to emote to a huge degree so my kids can fully understand what's going on.

Like, this level of performative.

Yes. I am getting paid and housed to be a clown on the clock. 10/10. Definately would recommend.

I've been here for almost five months and as I've said in previous blogs, I'm always learning something new about myself. To swing this long-winded emotional ephinany back to my earlier statement, I feel like a child again. I feel like I'm back in high school or college where I get to chose again where I want to go in life or what I want to do with the time I have. I am back in the sweet spot of life. I've been outside of that for such a long time that it almost feels illegal to swing back to this era again. Like, what do you mean I'm almost 30 and I feel excited to choose a path (or several) again and start from scratch? Is life even allowed to be fun and juicy like that?

Yes. Yes it is.

So, what's my next chapter?

Y'all Probably ^

Get ready for this one. Art, where I started. 한 번만 더.

Be so for real.... did you really think differently? Why do you even think I'm back here blogging?

Lmfaooooooo. I keep coming back to you earlier than the 13th. I guess I have a lot to say and share.

See ya when I see ya!