Being a writer is LONELY AF.

Last time I posted something, it was a blog post containing a prologue for what I called "my 50 shades novel." Quickly, it moved from a random semi-smut post to a whole world. I became obsessed with my characters. They even started to feel real. It was as if I had grown a spidey sense for the voices and actions of these characters, like I was just the truth-teller of their lives, not the inventor. I'd be going about my day and a Jaylin piece of dialogue would come to me and I would burst into immense laughter. I'd be showering and think of Alexandra's pain in romantic relationships and burst into never-ending tears.

Yet, the voices I hear in my mind are just that, pieces of people nobody has yet to meet. They feel so 3D to me but nobody gets that. I see them in Instagram reels, I hear them in music, I feel them in the wind around me. At first, this just felt like a world of excitement. Pure creation. Pure escapism.

However, when you're up at 3am because you can't stop thinking about how a character is about to have their life wrecked, there is nobody to share the crazy with. I've ranted about my characters and their eccentricities on Instagram but quite frankly... nobody gives a shit. I'm here cackling like a hyena and nobody gets it. Nobody is in this writer's tent. Nobody is wearing the tin foil hat.

Me the last weeK.

I have written two full chapters of riveting literature and I have nobody to scream about the crazy things my favorite characters are doing. Who is going to laugh with me about Jaylin dancing in his bathroom because he got laid? Who is going to scream with me when Alexandrra decides to only sleep with Jaylin once a month WITH A DETAILED CONTRACT DRAWN UP while he's with the boys saying, "I give her a week to come running back"?

Nobody.

See, what I yearn for isn't readers praising my work. No. I yearn for someone to sit there and experience the ride with me. And, every-time I look around and yell, "OMG. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS MAN'S AUDACITY??!!!" there is nobody at all in the room.

So, yes, being a writer, a real writer who lets obsession take over their creative projects is extremely lonely. You have these loud-ass characters banging on the corners of your brain and you just need to suck it up and keep writing. If you don't, you are doing a disservice to the important stories characters are waiting to be told.

So, I'll still be up laughing at fictional people at 3am. But behind the laughter, I am praying, on my knees, for somebody to come into my tent one day and join the wild ride.

Back to my writer's chair, I go.